Empty Another Bottle, And Let Me Tear You To Pieces
Here we go again. Me and another one of my moods where nothing
seems to be going right and all I do is feel sorry for myself.
Its another one of those days that I don't want to talk to anyone at
all, yet I feel so lonely I just can't help but want to cry on
someone's shoulder and tell them to make everything better. I
hate these days.
I miss the way things used to be. I don't even
know who I am anymore, besides a fuckin' alcoholic thats lost
everything that mattered and is about to lose her mind too. It
seems like I always fuck up the good things in my life for the same old
stupid shit. I just can't let go of the people that hurt me...
yet I manage to push away everyone else. I trust people way too
easily... and I trust all the wrong people. I hate myself for
knowing that, but still doing it anyway. I swear, I just set
myself up to get my heart broken and screwed over time and time
again. You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now... and
maybe kind of gotten the hint that things are never going to be the way
I want them to be. But I still go out of my way to have just one
moment of happiness, even if it means digging myself into an even
deeper hole. The best friend I ever had can't even look at me
anymore, its like we don't even know each other and that kills me more
than anything. I love her so much, and I don't think she knows
that... or cares... I've fucked up so bad. I'm scared to death of
losing what I care about now, because thats all I have left, but I'm
afraid it might be too late.
I've spent the last... I don't even know how long
anymore... working for something that I'm never going to get. I
hate wanting what I can't have... not being able to get it just makes
me want it even more. I'm constantly wondering what I can do to
change it... how the hell I'm supposed to fix things and just be with
the only person I've ever cared about this much. Not that I blame
him... or anyone else for that matter... for not wanting anything to do
with me. But it still just hurts so bad because I've tried so
hard, and gotten absolutely no where. Honestly... what do I have
to show for the past year besides empty bottles, broken friendships,
and a fucking broken heart.
Posted at 06:16 pm by HurlieGurlie
